No resolutions, no themes… just reality.

Happy New Year!

I know I am late (face it.. it's been since October) with posting after the new year but honestly, I have been struggling with self expectations vs. God's expectations and His will over my life.Whew, that was a long sentence.But there you go.  Struggling with where to go with this blog, asking God if where I am in service to Him is where He wants me to be, basically just pleading and begging Him to speak to me CLEARLY.I need that because, I am DENSE.What I have realized is this:  He's been talking to me the entire time. (Durrrrr…) I have been listening but not necessarily walking in His will.  I have been listening, but possibly too scared or lazy to actually step out.  It's very easy to do the right thing for the wrong reasons.  I've done that.  I don't want to do that anymore.Here are the highlights: (no, not the hair kind, although I have recently stepped out and added some warm brown to this ever gray hair…)

  • Beth Moore's message to me… no not just me, but heaven's to Betsy it sure felt like she was speaking to my heart and only my heart.  Here's a glimpse of what I took away from the 2009 Simulcast besides the heavenly, only liked by me in my household, (WHAT?) Texas Sheet Cake recipe.
  • Preparing my heart to begin to lead a group of women (who, by the way, amaze me every Monday night) as we jumped and dug and wrestled and soaked ourselves in His Word in September.  I have a whole nother (yes, I said nother…) week worth of posts that would let you in on why this was a HUGE deal for me… but suffice it to say that I officially came out of retirement after 3 years.
  • THEN… in October…the honor, privilege and blessing of taking my sweet girls, Lisa and Becca to their first official Living Proof Live in Memphis.  Aren't they precious?

 Memphis

If you ONLY knew sweet ones the amount and breadth of generational sin that runs in my family… I think that then, you would understand that I could not do anything else but be slain by the LOVE and GRACIOUSNESS of God.  Standing there in between them, worshiping with wonderful, sweet women… no words.  Just tears of gratitude.  And you know what else?  God gave us such a sweet time of fellowship with each other as well as the opportunity to fellowship with other sisters in Christ that have come to mean so much to me.  SLAIN, I tell you.  The message blew me away.. a smidgen:  going on a wild God chase, what if we became a people able to receive the revelation of God?, am I altered through the Word?,  Here's WHAT I AM LIKE…, "He will let you feel lonely so that He will be the ONLY ONE, the ONLY ONE that you can trust and who is worthy. 1 Cor. 15:21-25, Romans 8, I could just go on and on. but won't.. you are welcome.

  • November took me to 2009's LifeWay's National Women's Leadership Conference in Nashville.  I'd retired/stepped away from Women's Leadership in my home church so to be back and poured into was odd, familiar, thought provoking, convicting, exciting and blessed.  My home church has some great new leadership rising up and it is my honor to walk alongside them.  Really.  He continues to blow me away in spite of my own little pea brain!!  I am excited to see what He has in store for our local church/community under their leadership.  You know what else I heard? … "It's enough."  What I am doing, what I am able to be a part of is enough.  He has me exactly where He wants me.
  • Okay.. so knowing all the above.. you would think He would just stinking pull back a bit.. NOPE.    I was asked (through much prayer and discernment on their part, lemme just add) to speak to a group of women at a luncheon given at Carraba's.  Our church hosts a luncheon for working women quarterly.  No fluff message was asked to be shared.  LEMME JUST SAY!!!!  really?  seriously?  NOPE. He said.. "lay it out there".  So I did.  Shared with my local peeps about what God had been doing in my heart through the last few years.  It just blessed me so.  BLESSED ME SO.  I had to go back and thank Him for all the grace and mercy and beyond comprehension joy He's bestowed upon me.  No LIE.  I had to sit back and thank Him for not giving up on me.  IN the process, I truly believed that He gave me insight into my life's message and this season's direction.  Hardly recovering from that….
  • We enjoyed lots of family time over the Christmas break.. LOTS OF FAMILY TIME.  I love my family to pieces.. I do… but two weeks filled with extended family and three, very wonderful, active, talkative teenagers, whew!!!!  I clearly know that my gracious Provider is preparing my heart to usher these babies out of this abode to college.  Glory be.
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  • Ran up the road in late December to have 24 hours of girl time… did you get that I needed them? Hope so.. sure nuff!

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  • Started off this year just really resting in Him, puttering around the house, asking questions of Him, pleading with Him again to humble me and show me.. show me the desires of HIS HEART for me…preparing to lead Bible Study again locally and remotely… AND THEN!!…
  • He takes me to this little bitty town in Alabama called Oneonta.  I know, right?  What's there?  Well, she was there.  I just had to meet her.  Make her another IRL friend.  I was thinking I was just going to make a road trip to see some girlzzzz and hear a little bit of the Word. And possibly eat Mexican or have more coffee and chocolate.  Goodness… that dessert was a dessertle't.  We had to go looking for more food.  But dag nabbit, she sure got up all in my bizzznessss.  Thank you Jesus!  Here is what she screamed over me.. (she really didn't yell at me, she is too stinkin' sweet for that.)
    • Luke 5:33-39 was our scripture reference…
      • Jesus came to infuse us with new life, not suck the life right out of us.
      • You can't slap a patch on something that isn't working and expect a qualitative new result. (there was this cute story of a worn pair of jeans and some duct tape..)
      • We must desire to be seasoned not hardened… we don't have an excuse to not be flexible.  New wine skin is pliable and flexible…fine aged wine has value.  You can either hold it in and be hardened or exhale and expand and let it go. (WHEW)
      • We must learn to loathe that which is destroying us.(there was some sort of story about having to loathe french fries.. boo hiss.)  What is the french fry in your life?  It doesn't have to be bad, but what is killing me?  God, help me to understand what is not healthy for me.  What is not healthy spiritually, physically and emotionally healthy for me?
      • Good enough is not good enough – We often say, "What I do is good enough!"  Serving in Sunday school, singing in the choir, donate to charity, rock babies in the nursery, go to church on Sunday..  Are you content with life, comfortable, settled?  What if we miss the best of what He has to give us because we are content in the middle?
      • Then she said it… obedience… in the little things.  Being stretched and obedient.  There it was again.  The same message. Over and over and over again in this season.  Obedience in the little things.
  • RUN, yes, RUN to this website and enter your Pastor's wife for some love!  I did.. Promise!  She's just precious.  AND.. let me just add this.  I can spot a fake ten miles away.  I can, because I have been one.  Honest to Betsy.  Lisa McKay is a changed woman of God.  She's desperate for Him… loves HIM to pieces.  She is authentic, vulnerable and a gift.  Watch out girls, God is about to do something FIERCE through her.  Can not wait to watch it! 

Lisa Mckay, aka a preachers wife...


So.. that's it in a nutshell.  No resolutions, no themes, no SCRIPTURE FOR THE YEAR!  Just reality.  Obedience in the little things.  Do the next, right thing.  Discipline, self control, honesty, authenticity, sacrificial living in a hard and wonderful world.  That's it and I'm good with that. Cause trust me, THAT IS ENOUGH.

Don't forget to curl up in His lap today,

Siggy

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3 Comments

  1. I LOVE your heart – love.it.
    If I could have just been at ONE of these meet ups… just one.
    But look out baby, some sweet day, I will hug your adorable neck!

  2. I love your heart Dedra! I needed to read these words today. God-cidentally, the FX (family experience) worship today with the kids was about discipline and obedience. Guess I needed that message coming at all sides today. So many times, especially when things are not going well or I am frustrated, I DO NOT do that next, right thing.
    Love you!

  3. Sweet Dedra, YOU are a gift and I am so thrilled to have been able to put my arms around you FINALLY. 🙂 Thank you for these words. I’ll treasure them forever and ever. :)))
    xoxoooxxoxoooxo,
    Lisa

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